Counseling Services of Barbara Reade, L.C.P.C.
Bel Air, Maryland 21014

Phone: 410-803-1510

Email: reade.lcpc@yahoo.com  

Positive Parenting

POSITIVE PARENTING DISCIPLINE SKILLS

The word discipline means teaching, not punishment, as it is so often interpreted. All children need teaching and correction in order to learn appropriate social behaviors.

1. Children are not tiny adults. They have many strong, individual  needs and feelings. They are naturally boisterous, noisy, impatient, demanding, and messy. And they are also self-centered. Because of their limited experience in life they see the worldas  revolving around them. Understanding this as a parent is a great starting point, because we do not then seek perfect and adult behavior from little ones who still have much to learn.

2. A wonderful discipline technique for times children are throwing tantrums, being aggressive, or behaving in any way obnoxious to parents is to hold them firmly but lovingly. This involves a loving hug that gently but securely holds children still until they have their own impulses under control. A parent should not do this until he has let go of his own negative or stressed feelings. This 'hug'should never hurt the child in any way.

3. Look for the underlying needs in your child's behavior. For example, find out if they are really hungery, thirsty, sleepy, in need of a restroom stop, are not feeling well etc. Addressing these needs will quickly solve many problems.

4. Look for and acknowledge their feelings. If they act angry, say, "I see you are mad. Tell me about it." Listen through, tell them you understand (even if you don't agree). After listening thoroughly, work together to find solutions for the problem.

5. Let natural and logical consequences occur. For instance, if your child continually won't pick up his clothes, let him wear them, in whatever form they are in, to school. This is a natural consequence of their behavior. Let his peers give him feedback about his appearance. Don't rescue him or he will not learn from the experience. An example of a logical consequence would be to require a child who makes a mess to clean it up (to the best that can fairly be expected for their age group).

6. Give 2 alternatives rather than commands whenever possible. It empowers and teaches a toddler when you say, "You may either hold my hand or I will carry you across the street. The street is too dangerous to walk by yourself." An older child may be asked, "Would you like to take your shower before or after you go to school?" In this way child is honored and has an opportunity to learn, and you have taught him the appropriate choices for that situation without lecturing him.

7. Use humor, play, and laughter are o.k. and can be used to help children learn to enjoy doing tasks they thought they could only hate.

8.Time out is a helpful stategy when a child can't control his behavior. Give him this time to quietly decide how he will change his behavior. Then give him a 2nd chance at the problem behavior situation. Reward/praise & encourage him as soon as he does it correctly. Do this each time you notice this positive behavior. It works!

9. Remember a nurturing, loving adult from your own childhood by whom you felt totally accepted and honored as a fellow human being. If  this description does not conjure up a picture of your parents, try to think of another relative, a teacher, or a friend. As you nurture, encourage and re-nforce your child's positive behavioral achievements he will continue to improve.

10. BE CONSISTENT in your rules, how you apply them, and in THE APPLICATION OF CONSEQUENCES/REWARDS. The more consistent you are, the better your child will do!